Like a broken toy

Good idea: Taking tests online.

Bad idea: Taking tests online about personality disorders and the likes and reading up on them on Wikipedia and go "hmm, maybe".

Quite often, it feels as if I'm broken and the warranty has run out.

I mean, ffs. According to tests and Wikipedia, I show signs of Schizoid Personality Disorder. I'm just not a very social person! Schizoid sounds serious. Like... schizophrenia... and the voices tell me they're pretty sure I've not got that! ;)

Did a few Asperger's Syndrome tests the other day. On one of them, gave me a 91 score out of 200. Is that good or bad? It shows some Aspie tendencies, but nothing severe... I think. I got 92 neuro-typical (non-Autism) points on the same quiz, so... I don't even know what that means. Some other sites suggested I show a few signs, but nothing to go to the doctors and say "analyze this!" about.

Today, I did some Adult ADD tests. One of them said if you answered 3 or 4 to 20+ questions, there's perhaps a slight cause for concern. I had 31 of those. Think my total score was 154 or something, but I don't know what that means. I guess I have a touch of Adult ADD or something?

On the other hand, it's said ADD and the likes are quite common in Indigo people, so I digress. Then again, I am not that keen on the Indigo labelling. I prefer to think of the Indigo phenomenon as the next step in evolution. Apparently there's a word for it, Homo noeticus. I don't think she uses that word, but she does make a compelling case for the same kind of thing - PMH Atwater in "Beyond the Indigo Children". One of the few Indigo books that doesn't put the people it writes about on a pedestal and go all "Hell Messiah!" about it.

It's fairly simple, really. There have been people showing signs of being psychic and/or intuitive all the time, but back in the day, they were persecuted and burned at the stakes as witches, for instance. It wasn't the right time for that gene in humans to prosper. Survival of the fittest - intuition wasn't fit enough. Nowadays, society has opened up a lot - and opened up a whole lot even in the puny 25 years I've been here (really, the last 10-15 years especially) - and it allows for the gene to pop its head up again and say hello. When it discovers it no longer risks getting killed off, it gets more prominent. Today, psychics can even be celebrities! It's the right time to show itself... and it means it now is fit for survival. It's quite an interesting thought if you ask me...

Days until NaNoWriMo: 13

Yes, I am going to have a shot at it again. The National Novel Writing Month, 1-30 November writing a book of 50k words. Only got to like 3400 last year for various reasons. Will try again. This time, I know the subject and it feels as if it's something I have to write. Not for the sake of writing or proving anything to myself, but rather, writing it for my sake. Writing about my life, from a child up until today, in detail. I've not had a particularly interesting life, really, but that's not the point. I won't be writing it as a giant ego trip. I will be writing it because writing is my primary form of expression, and because of that, it's the greatest therapy. I'm hoping that by writing about my life, I can come to terms with stuff that has happened, connect the dots, and work through shit which I've never quite been able to deal with. I had a big breakthrough writing about something from my past in an email just yesterday, when dots were connected and they seemed to lead back to the same incident. (Mum can probably guess what I'm talking about. Not that she reads my blog. But if she did, she'd know.)

In other news, we had the first frost yesterday morning. I took a picture, but I've not transferred it to the computer yet, and I don't know where I've put the camera. Can show it next time instead.

My Swedish animal communication / healing website seems to be generating more traffic and interest than the UK website, ...and yes, the only reason I mentioned them right now was for SEO purposes. :look *pokes Google*

There's also a snooker championship going on at the moment, in Aberdeen, but no sign of Alan McManus so far. :( There's an appreciation society of his on Facebook. Yay! So to finish off this post, here's a clip of a post-match interview with him from 2005. Thank you and good night!